Now since we all worked in care ministry together, I was sure that, although the transition time would be hard, we would all get through it relatively unscathed. And even though we were no longer a ministry team, we would easily maintain the same relationships we had enjoyed for years…one-to-one relationships as well as for the group as a whole.

For the first month or two, that was the case. We called, emailed, met for coffee and lunch, planned some group gatherings, just like we always had. For the next couple of months the interaction seemed to slow a bit. I was tempted to think that things had changed, but I knew that couldn’t be the case for the Dream Team.

And then in the last month, some conflict arose. Out of nowhere I found myself in an argument with one of the former team members I was closest to. We were at odds over an incident involving the church where that person is still part of the staff, and where I am not. This person with whom I had once seen eye-to-eye with on so many things, who had faced trouble arm-in-arm with me was now on the other side of the fence from me and we were arguing over who was supposed to trim the overhanging branches.

I’m normally the first one to welcome a conflict, to want to get to the bottom of a disconnect, especially if I’m involved in it. But this time it was different. This person…these people (there was a subset of the team present during our disagreement), were suddenly unable to connect with me. I couldn’t be brought back to center. I left feeling hurt and angry. (And I felt certain my former colleague on the other side of the fence was leaving the same way.)

For the next week I thought of the incident constantly. What was going on? What happened to these relationships that I held so dear? What happened to the Dream Team? Within the second week following the disagreement I was able to get together with that person, at the prompting of another former Dream Team member, and we talked through what had happened. We parted friends and made plans to meet for coffee as soon as we could. But I knew something had changed.

The following week I had a one-to-one meeting with another member of the Dream Team. I shared the basic details of my reconciliation meeting, then I processed the whole thing with this person. I expressed remaining confusion over what had happened, both during that disagreement and since. I just didn’t get it.

But, the person I was meeting with had no trouble hitting the nail on the head. “We were all trying to hang on to something special we had, but it’s over and we can’t get it back.” I wanted to argue, to counter, to prove the person wrong. But I couldn’t find an ounce of energy or a single word to do that. The words rang true. I hated to admit it, but they did.

I’ve spent the last couple of weeks trying to understand how I could have missed it…how I could have thought that the special chemistry, the unique relationships the team had, with one another and as a whole could be preserved. We all knew God had brought us together to do His work. I knew it more than anyone and as their leader, I reminded them of that fact at least every week for years.

I’ve known for a long time that sometimes a thing has to die before a new beginning can be seen. I’ve experienced it, I’ve shared it, I’ve taught it. But sometimes life catches us by surprise. In this case, I was too close to the loss of what had been so special to see it objectively. I’ll always love these people as much as I could love any family member. And I’ll give thanks for the rest of my life that God gave me the privilege of working with them. And now that I’m beginning to accept that the Dream Team as we knew it has to die, I can be on the lookout for the new beginnings God has in store for each of us, not according to our plans, but according to His.

Are there things that you’re holding on to that you know you should let go? Things you’re breathing life into that perhaps you should let die? What are they?