Care in a Time of Loss: Thank You Dale Carnegie

One of my top 5 Personality Themes (or Strengths, according to my favorite personality assessment tool, StrengthsFinder by Buckingham and Clifton) is Connectedness. The authors describe the Strength in this way: People strong in the Connectedness theme have faith in the links between all things. They believe there are few coincidences and that almost every event has a reason. I see connections – between one person and another, between people groups, between situations, between the present and the past.

This past weekend I had the honor of officiating a funeral service for a man I had never met. As is often the case, I believe God used me to provide a service that honored and celebrated the man’s life, helped his family and friends begin a healthy grieving process, linked his life with the legacy he left behind and made lovingly clear my belief that there is only one way to Heaven (Jesus Christ). By the end of the service, I’m confident that the family and friends of the man who had passed away felt their loved one was celebrated in a very personal way. But sometimes I wonder how I’m able to meet family members for a brief time, then shortly thereafter speak about a person I’ve never met in a way that makes those that loved them feel a fitting tribute has been paid.

As I pondered this the day after the funeral, I was reminded of something I learned 25 years ago when I first read Dale Carnegie’s How to Win Friends and Influence People: Express sincere interest in others. Way back then I internalized this concept and it has helped me in all my years in business, in ministry and life in general. I think the key to the idea is the word sincere.

I realized when I was delivering the message about the deceased that I really meant what I was saying. Shortly before I came up to speak, I had learned as much as I could about the man’s life from his family. Then, when I stood before the funeral attendees, I simply recapped what I had been told. And I was able to deliver that recap with sincerity, because I sincerely believed what I was saying. I guess that’s another form of connectedness. Through the eyes of this man’s family, I was able to see into the lives of so many other families and individuals I’ve known. I was even able to see parallels with my own life.

Because of those connections, I was able to speak honestly and passionately. Even though I had never met the man who died, I knew him through the experiences of others. I understood the loss the family was feeling, because I’ve cared for others who have suffered great loss and because I’ve suffered loss myself. And of course, just as God brought people to care for me when I needed it, He used me to care for this family in their time of need.

I feel greatly blessed that I am able to see points of connection between people, circumstances, the past, present and future. And I’m so fortunate that God can use things I learned 25 years ago to bless people today! Thank you, Dale Carnegie. And thank you, God!